When they can’t Love you Back!


“What do you think my love language is, Mom?” he asked.

“Well, there is a test you can take on line,” I said.

“Yeah, David was telling me I should take it. Will you help, in case I don’t understand the questions?”

“Of course!”

We were late for church but when my son asks for emotional help or growth, I refuse to brush aside the rare occurrence.

A quick search and the window popped up. We read…
“For each set of statements, select the one you prefer the most,”

No awareness on his part but I was all but ignorant of the sadness each question built on, not his, but my own.
An ache clinched my heart as truth was revealed; love is a foreign concept for him.

Touch is awkward, acts of service unaccepted, words of affirmation blind sided by his lack of self esteem, and gifts often given away because they hold no meaning for him. Quality time sat above the rest but still low, too low to call it dominant.

What’s a mom to do with this information? Can persistence heal the damage of Fetal Alcohol Effects? Can any action connect the brokenness of Reactive Attachment Disorder?

“God! Tell me how to love my son when he can’t love me back!”

He whispered, not unlike every other time, for to yell at me, His beloved, is not in His nature. His words… “The same way I loved you, when you had none for me…with all that you are.”

I’m not talking about a teenager getting mad at their parents. It’s about chemical imbalance, pure rejection or even blatant path of sin. Wether you have an adopted child who has battled the issues of bonding or a son or daughter who has walked away from the shadow of your care, you know the depth of pain of which I speak. The pain that says love is all I have left.

A friend recently reminded me what that looks like.

Romans 8:38-39
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Because of the power of Christ that lives in me and the knowledge that I cannot be separated from His love, I know that He will never give up on me. Which gives me the strength and depth of love to say, “I will never give up on my son.” Our love may not look like what he thinks it should, but it is pure, honest and rooted in the One who holds Him closer than I ever can.

Wether it’s RAD, FAE, Bipolar, bad choices, a strayed heart or even a hardened heart that makes a heart reject my love, it doesn’t have the power to deplete it. Energy fades, love cannot when it’s source is found in the creator of it.

No matter how much it hurts, love must always cover a multitude of sins. Unconditional love is a path to healing and truth that God has called me to, no matter the cost to me.


6 thoughts on “When they can’t Love you Back!

  1. Pati

    You my dear friend have been given a journey many could not complete. You have a been given a task God knew could be completed by only you and Dave. Coleson may not know the depth of your love for him in the sense that others know love but one day that boy will be whole and he will know that because of the love you guys poured into him in the physical world he is able to be free in the spiritual one and God will say Well Done.

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