Secret struggles plant hidden seeds of anguish and distress that, when never faced with the light, remain grounded in a darkness and spread and infect the rest of our soul. Laughter is to this bruising, as light is to dark; the latter always succumbs to the presence of the former.
Lights flash, people stare, their imagination fills in the story from their 10 second exposure as they drive by the 911 scene. Being in the middle of this reoccurring scenario has made me numb to the onlookers.
It’s a continuation of our battle to keep someone we love, someone we have prayed over, sweat blood for, from ending their life. A three year long battle to be precise. Spiritual, mental, I no longer know or care to label other than it is an agonizing journey.
I’m sure you’ve been there, felt that hopelessness. Like the darkness has existed so long, you have forgotten what sunlight feels like on your heart.
As we sat in the ER, I struggled to reach out, AGAIN for prayer, for support. There is nothing anyone can do. They can’t fix my son and they can’t take our place. So why bother?
Recently, I blogged about how God never intended us to battle alone, https://teresaahrendt.com/2015/01/15/battling-alone-is-never-his-plan/ and realized I needed to “walk the talk.” So I texted.
Replies were multiple and quick.
Then another blog I posted came to mind that claimed my joy was not for taking, it was mine only to surrender. https://teresaahrendt.com/2015/01/22/my-joy-is-not-up-for-grabs/
“But how God? Joy is tough to hold onto when darkness surrounds it…snuffs it out.”
They continued to explode my phone…texts, emails, phone calls. They even walked through the automatic doors of the Pediatric ER. I was not alone.
It was a snicker first, quickly elimnated by guilt. “I shouldn’t be laughing, not yet, too soon.”
Then a comment made turned my sunken lips upright. A lightness decreased the weight in my heart. A light reduced the blackened darkness to a charcoal gray.
Retelling the story, tears still came. I sobbed as I checked the incoming text. The text prompted a sudden burst of laughter and I was immediately reminded that…
“laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”
When appropriately given, it reminds us of hope in the past, promises us hope is yet to be found and lets light begin to diminish the cold, blackened soil that fertilizes our pain, depletes our strength to carry on.
There’s a reason that God’s Word says,
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”
Whose laughter can offer healing to you? Who can you help heal with a moment of joy? Do that today, for the sake of your weary soul.